Sunday, December 8, 2013

Breaking the habit

Friday, November 29 2013. It is a day I will never forget. The day I quit smoking. The day my life changed.

I came down with an upper respiratory infection about a week prior that just wouldn't go away. I also had COPD. Nothing major, just asthma from smoking really. But then this sticky crud mucked up the works and I couldn't get enough air.

Thanksgiving Day was rough. I managed to get my turkey brined, something I do every year, the day before. Got it seasoned, basted, and in the oven. And then had to have the family do the rest under my direction, because just going to the sink and back to the table took all my air. I still didn't realize I was in trouble. We had a great dinner. I went to bed full and tired as all get out. Friday morning, I got up and realized I might be in trouble. Couldn't get a breath, couldn't stop coughing. My husband told me to go see my doctor and get some antibiotics. So I did. And they sent me straight to the hospital ER. The ER gave me breathing treatments, but my Oxygen stayed in the 80's, so they admitted me. I was hospitalized for 5 days. The whole ordeal brought some things home in a way I didn't expect.

For one, I did not WANT a cigarette. I smoked my last at 4pm that Friday, before my son drove me to the hospital. While in the ER, when I was panicking because I couldn't get any air in my lungs, and my 18 year old had to hold a mask to my face... I saw terror in his eyes. And I remembered, when I was exactly his age, feeling the same fear as I watched my Dad fight for breath in the ER from THE SAME THING. COPD.
It killed my Dad, and it killed my Mom, and it will kill me if I don't act NOW. That is what went through my mind. And seeing what it did to my son, to watch his mom fighting to breathe..I cried. I begged my kid to forgive me for putting him through this. And I made a promise. I would never smoke another cigarette. Today is my 10th day being smoke free. I didn't crave a smoke in the hospital, and I haven't really craved one since I got out. I have had help.

I started using a nicotine patch on the third day at the hospital because I was getting edgy. Now that I'm home, and bored out of my mind because my doctor won't let me go to the office to work next week.. there have been times when the craving kicked in. For those times, I have an e-cig.

I do wish the FDA would get off their butts and approve these things for a smoking cessation tool, because let me tell you, they work. I use Blu. It helps with the 'habit' part of smoking, and gives enough nicotine to cure the craving too. And tastes better, doesn't smell, and it ISN'T SMOKE. To me, its the same thing as using the patch, or the gum, or a lozenge. Its a cigarette replacement that keeps me from falling off the wagon.

I have had nightmares that I smoked a cigarette.  My Dad used to have them after he quit. I used to think it was kind of funny. But now I understand.  I am AFRAID to smoke. That is the reality of COPD. Of facing your own mortality in the eyes of your children. That was God slapping me in the face with reality and saying, look at your Blessings, don't throw this away! And I don't intend to. No, not at all.



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